Please watch your step over the toys. And the dog who is blind and deaf and can't hear you to get out of your way.
No, please, keep your shoes on, you'll want them as protection against the toys littered across the floor.
Oops, no toilet paper, you say? Ummm, let me go into the basement to get some more for you. Our upstairs closets are filled with bath toys. I don't know how it happens, I swear we go through a roll a day.
Excuse the strange smell upstairs, we don't know what it is either and aren't brave enough to investigate.
I know, I'm sure we could have healthier house plants, we're just happy the few we have survive at all.
And watch for the dog poop in the backyard. I picked up what I could find before you came, but he's a magical dog, he finds special places to hide it. Those shoes will come in handy.
Oh, but we are full of love, and laughter, and I know you don't really come to my house to see how much dust I have on my mantle. You will feel comfortable and at home here, and laugh so hard it hurts. You will feel truly welcome and have a fabulous time while you're here.
Just keep your shoes on.
Welcome to our home.