Are We Really Still Doing This to Our Girls?

Somehow a co-worker of mine got put on the subscription list at work to both Boy's Life and Girl's Life. Perhaps they think that by giving the PR manager at a children's hospital a free subscription that the magazines will end up in our waiting rooms and reception areas.

She, of course, begs to differ, and I had to agree upon looking at the magazines. 

For the first thing, take a look at both magazine covers.

No really, these covers are indeed from this year.

The Boy's Life one? I don't feel I can comment too much on this one, I never was a boy and am not the parent of boys. But from the outside, it doesn't look too awful. About skiing, the perfect ski outing, the most dangerous job in showbiz, and "true stories of Scouts in action." All sounds wholesome although obviously slanted to the outdoors and an active lifestyle. Perhaps it should be re-named "Active Boy's Life."

But then we have this.

"Look Amazing!! Major outfit inspo inside" (We can't even be bothered to write the word "inspiration" in full?)

"Get Your Dream Hair"

"Steal Her Beauty Secrets: Shhh! Tips and tricks from gorgeous girls." (Because we all know what it's like to look at the gorgeous girls, hate them but want to be them, too. But we shouldn't know what that feels like, that's the problem.)

And the ultimate headline: "Quiz: Should You Date Him?"

Oh. My God.

I looked up this magazine's advertising stats -- age range of its subscribers are 12 to 17, median age is 15.  They have more than 2.1 magazines in circulation, of those 400,000 are paid subscribers. 

You mean there are actually 400,000 parents who paid to expose their girls to this crap? Haven't we moved beyond this yet?

I try to shield my kids from ridiculous stereotypes and unreal expectations. They may comment on a beautiful woman on a bulletin board, and I'll let them know that her body was probably photoshopped or her make-up airbrushed on.

They and their friends are currently mocking Miley Cyrus for her choices in wardrobe and actions. But then we'll have a conversation about bullying, and how it must feel to be Miley Cyrus and have everyone make a parody of her song "Wrecking Ball." (Poor Miley.)

I made the mistake of opening the magazine to see if the content was really as bad as the cover promised. 

It was.  

On the traditional "reader asks questions" page:

"I think I repel guys. I get top grades, am captain of my sports teams and do choir. My friends say guys are intimidated."

One editor writes: It's not that you're successful, it's how you carry that success. Downplay it. Put the spotlight on others, and point out special things about those around you.

The other editor's response is: "At the risk of being a little sexist, flirt. Smile. Laugh at his jokes." 

My response to that editor: You didn't risk being a little sexist, you ARE incredibly sexist for giving that advice to 15-year-olds.

So the message here is: Be smart, but not too smart. And if you are really smart and talented, don't be proud about it, be sure to shine the spotlight on others or rely on your good looks so you can get a guy.

Now imagine that readers take that advice, apply it to their high school education, their college education, and then eventually to their careers.

And we wonder why women are still not well represented in the C-suite of company management rosters.

We need to stop giving in to societal pressure that the value of women in our society is in their beauty and not in their talents. 

I wish I could make this crap stop. I don't know why it's still out there. No wait, I do know why: I looked up the statistics for this magazine on their advertising page. A full-page ad in this magazine costs $27,000, more for the back cover or inside flap. Guess who their #1 advertisers are? Yep, you got it, cosmetics companies. Hair products. Apparel retailers. 

So we may want to tell "Girl's Life" that we will never buy their crap, but unfortunately enough people are buying it that advertisers want to be there.

So I will target the advertisers. Skechers has a four-color back page ad, the most expensive ad of the publication. A product called "No!No! Skin" promises to zap away your zits on the inside back cover. "Series 31" jeans has full-page four-color ads.

I could write a little letter to these, but I think I'll be a little more public about it -- Ooo! Look! Skechers has a Facebook page....

Stay tuned...

Or better yet, want to join me?

You're Losing Your What?

My hair. Yes, I am losing my hair.

This is something women in particular do not like to talk about. Sure, men don't like to talk about losing their hair (or losing it in the first place, for that matter), but at least it happens to enough of them that it's kind of normal.

But for women? If we lose our hair we never talk about it.

This past September I noticed that I had an inordinate amount of hair going down the drain when I took a shower. Enough hair in a handful for a small ponytail, I kid you not. Cut a small ponytail worth of hair out of your hair every couple of days and see how much is left on your head.

Crazed, flyaway-haired lady! Aaaack!

This picture was taken a few months after I had begun shedding. The short hairs that were re-growing weren't long enough to stay in a ponytail, so I began looking like a crazed lunatic whenever I wore my hair back. Which, for me, was most of the time. 

At first I chalked it up to...I don't know what. I think I was in denial that it was happening. But then I lost a ton while showering, then combed through my hair just after said shower and lost just as much again.

What. The hell.

So of course I called my dermatologist, because she'd just put me on a new prescription and asked her if a side effect was hair loss. Actually, she informed me, a side effect is hair growth.

Okay....

I called my endocrinologist and scheduled a blood test, because I know that hair loss can be associated with hormone and thyroid changes.

Every test they ran came back normal.

Curse it...

I happened to mention to both doctors that I had recently made a diet change. I stopped having my protein shake every lunch hour because it turned out I was allergic to some of the ingredients in the shake. Even more ironic, my allergy had been coming out as severe adult acne, which was the reason for the new prescription from the dermatologist. Nasty, ugly stuff that made my self-confidence take a huge plunge and make me feel like an awkward teenager.

Turns out that there are four kinds of grasses in the protein shake I'd been taking: wheat grass, barley grass, kamut and oat grass. Now, grass is actually a great filler -- it's in the majority of protein shakes on the market, a fact I discovered while researching a replacement. But for someone who is as horribly allergic to grass as I am, ingesting the stuff is just as bad for you as rolling in it.

But...there are a lot of good things in that shake that my body really loved too, tons of vitamins and minerals, acai extract, Goji berry, blueberry, and so on and so forth.

When I mentioned that I had stopped taking this shake to my doctors, they both said, "Oooh yes, that can make a difference."

So the good news is that the hair loss is a not a permanent change, and my hair loss seems to have slowed to a more normal rate. The bad news is that I still didn't feel great about myself because it was so scraggly to me. It may have looked okay to others, but I could tell the difference and I was not happy.

And so there was only one thing left to do.

Before

After

My normal stylist wasn't available for a while, and I just couldn't wait to make a change. So I called a salon in Minneapolis that specializes in cutting and treating curly hair. They cut every curl individually while it's dry so they can see where the hair wants to naturally curl up. THEN they wash it and dry it in such a way that it isn't frizzy and won't frizz as the day goes on. They even taught me how to dry and style it appropriately so I can get the same effect myself.  I LOVE the way my hair curls now, and the shorter length is absolutely freeing.

I had no idea that a diet change or hormonal changes could result is such dramatic hair loss until I experienced it myself.  Hopefully my sharing this can help other women from panicking if they experience this themselves.

Not the "Before and After" That You Expected

I feel quite vulnerable writing about this, something about my physical body that has bothered me my entire adult life. But I feel like I have finally found a decent solution, so I am for the first time talking about this. As I've slowly confided to friends about this, I am learning that others have suffered their entire lives, like me.

I'm talking about my complexion.

Once I hit my teenage years, acne bloomed on my face and never withered. It is always in season, the ever-blooming rose. Only this isn't the kind of rosy-ness a girl wants. Or a young woman. Or a middle-aged woman.  I kid you not, it has never let up.

My complexion is the only part of my body that I'm self-conscious about. I have been blessed with not being overly critical of my body shape or size, my hair, my fashion (or lack thereof), etc. I'm not the kind of woman who takes 3 hours to get ready for an evening out. But I can tell you that I am extremely conscious of every blemish when I had to speak to my boss, present in a meeting or, God help me, to the board. I feel like people won't take me seriously because I have the complexion of a teenager, even if they can tell by the wrinkles around my eyes that I'm not that age anymore. It has greatly impacted my confidence and it pisses me off.

I have gone to doctor after doctor. I had a few recommend Accutane, a medicine you take orally that changes your complexion forever. But the side effects are severe, and you have to take blood tests before, during and after to check for liver damage. While I know others have taken this step, I never felt comfortable putting my liver (and overall health) at risk just for clear skin.

I had one dermatologist put me on antibiotics, which immediately cleared my skin due to the strength of the prescription. He gave me a 12 month supply, to be renewed every year, for the rest of my life.

Antibiotics for the rest of my life? I don't think so, I'm not THAT fond of yogurt. I can't imagine what strength antibiotics I would have to take for my next sinus infection if I had kept up with that regimen, or if antibiotics would even work for me for "real" illnesses.

I've tried creams and lotions, over-the-counter solutions and prescription alike. I've has laser treatments that kill the oil glands in my most active pores, to reduce the severity of my outbreaks.

My current dermatologist has suggested more laser treatments and other solutions, all of which work for a while, but then seem to not work anymore.

Only my closest friends and family members ever see me without make up. I don't leave the house to run an errand without full foundation. I make the kids wait to go downstairs Christmas morning so I can at least cover the most disgusting spots before the camera comes out. There's a reason why there are no photos of me for Christmas this past year;  I didn't get any make up on before we opened gifts.

Finally, around Christmas time, I decided I've been trying the dermatologist solutions enough -- time to actually invest in some decent make up. 

I've been wearing Cover Girl, Almay or Maybelline my entire life. While for the most part I don't believe that product that costs 10 times more than the drugstore stuff is actually worth the extra money, I was unhappy enough to give it a try.

So one day around the holidays I walked down to a placed called the Cos Bar. I had read good reviews and liked the idea of a place that didn't represent any single brand but instead represented you, the customer.

I intentionally wore no make up so they could see what they were dealing with. A middle-aged woman (like me!) named Leann helped me, and steered me towards a make up that had great coverage but didn't look heavy. She taught me how to properly put on foundation, something I had never been taught outside of high school drama, and we all know what THAT make up is like. 

I walked out of there with $200 worth of product and a new attitude. 

And so here it is. I took these photos while doing my make up one morning. The only difference is foundation -- I still hadn't done blush, eye shadow, or anything else. Wish the photos were a little crisper, but that's what you get when I'm the one holding the phone camera. Not only does it cover the problem spots, but my entire face actually matches the rest of my coloring. Shocking!

In case you're wondering, all products are Giorgio Armani. The extra confidence I feel is worth every penny.