An Open Letter to Somebody Bigger Than Me

Hey You,

I just wanted to say "thanks" for making me strong and healthy. I appreciate that you think I'm such a strong person that you gave me all these burdens, but I am writing to tell you this: it's a bit much.

Thank you for making me a caring person. But I care too much sometimes, and I think have taken on more than I can handle.

My friend's 6-year-old daughter is having a bone marrow transplant today. My dad is in the final stages of treatment for cancer which by all accounts seems to have been eradicated. Thanks, by the way, for giving us human beings the smarts to be able to figure out how to treat this awful disease. If it weren't for the decades of research and work that had been done up to this point we wouldn't know how to diagnose or treat these two people who mean so much to me. I think of my uncle who is dealing with life after losing his wife to a 6-year battle with this disease, and wonder if he is lonely and how he is adjusting. At the same time, I found out that a neighbor of a friend of mine was just diagnosed with cancer, this just months after bringing home a baby she adopted from Africa. She is wondering who will take care of her child if she isn't here to do it.

My friend lost her baby at birth to a terrible disorder, and I think of her daily as she is home on her maternity leave, grappling with her grief.

Another friend of mine is miraculously rejoining life after a traumatic brain injury this summer.

Two people who are close to me have had depression enter their lives, and I think of them and wish I could help them when they feel hopeless, and worry that they will take the ultimate step of ending that depression.

I am thankful for all the good that has come of some of these situations, and am saddened yet and burdened by others.

So I'm going to unsaddle.

I'm going to hand these burdens over to you. I appreciate that you think I can handle them, but I can't. I can't fix them, I can't help them, I can only sit on the sidelines and watch what's going on. I feel helpless. So I'm going to give this over to you and ask you to help if you can.

Thanks so much.